another story that won't post. bleh.

Am I ready for this?





. . . . . . .
"Amanda, all I ever wanted was for someone to love me for my passion for music, and you've done that and more than I could have ever asked for. This life is filled with change, but I want to have you always by my side. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Amanda, will you marry me?"

A ring appeared out of his blazer's inside pocket, and I nearly had a small heart-attack as I took in the sight of a extravagant and totally unrealistic diamond engagement ring - a princess cut diamond surrounded by more tiny and clearly cut stones. This is crazy. I looked into his eyes, seeing that familiar sincerity that usually made me feel more at ease, but right now, an infinite number of thoughts were ringing in my head.
"I.." I heard myself begin, completely flustered and overwhelmed with the wave of thoughts and feelings that rushed over me. Not to mention the audience that was awaiting my answer, what am I supposed to do? This is just too sudden. I felt my heart leaping in my throat, making my breathing choppy. "I.."
"Manda, don't say any more," Nick rose up from his kneel beside me, glancing back at our little audience before turning back to me, "I don't want you to feel pressured to say anything; you're in no rush. Just think about it. You can tell me later." He handed me the ring though, telling me that I should hold it. I could tell by his eyes that there was disappointment like I had said 'no' to him. But, how could I?
I was in love with him to the very least. For the past three years, we have been always together even when we didn't know it. We somehow completed each other, being the better of one another. We've been through thick and thin, and somehow we can't be apart. I changed him; he changed me. Everything was for the better though. We were ourselves finally. I love him. He loves me. There were no problems in our way now. We could love each other without worrying about what other people thought... And I've always wanted him forever, and obviously, he does too.
"Awwww..." Selena pouted at us, looking like she was close to tears, "You guys can't just leave us hanging like that." The others mumbled and grumbled in an agreement as Nick held my waist protectively. "Come onnnn...." Selena whined almost, trying to persuade us with her huge eyes.
Nick stood firm, doing all the talking for me it seemed like, "Sorry guys, we'll tell you tomorrow." He smiled down at me before pressing his lips softly on my forehead. The crowd started mumbling behind us, but Nick turned around and almost laughed, "Come on, guys. Let's go open presents now..." Never keeping his hands off of me, he helped usher our friends and family into the living room. I couldn't help but smile at him when he squeezed my hand under his, just being with him made me unbelieveably happy. Yet for some reason, I couldn't find the words to speak. My body still not quite over the fact that he proposed. Proposed. As in marry. As in husband and wife. Forever.
Where were my words?!
The unwrapping of presents were kind of a blur to me; my thoughts taking over me completely. I often looked towards my parents, searching for a sign of disapproval or anything parental like. But when they caught me looking at them, they just smiled. My mother happy as a button as her eyes danced with confirmation and joy. When I looked to Denise and Paul Jonas, they just kept smiling, looking like the happiest they had been since Kevin and Danielle's wedding. Denise caught me once, and all she did was wink at me which made my cheeks blush with embarassment. Did they know about this?
After the presents, all the parents and the adults moved to the kitchen to talk about the news or something much more mature than what we were capable of speaking of. Well, that's what I liked to think. Or maybe they were just trying to get away from Joe and Austin who were both sneaking behind the couches and the coffee table, trying to shoot each other with their new Nerf guns. (Thank you, Kevin, for causing everyone to fear their lives until we find a way to find the guns. Thanks.)
I leaned onto Nick, feeling the rise and fall of his chest as I ran my fingers over my Christmas present from him - the mask that he wore at the dance. My heart could almost burst, remembering how dazzled I was by this guy that I barely even knew - how he swept me off my feet yet caught me before I fell face first, and this guy was him all along. We would always be together, wouldn't we? No matter how hard we could try, there will always be this gravity that pulls us together.
This was right. This felt right. My head placed on his chest as he held onto my waist, ever so often he would kiss my hair. Everything was just so... unbelievably perfect.
"Somethings are still bothering me," I said my thought outloud, causing a spark of attention arise within our group of friends. Paool seemed to perk up his ears as Selena looked up, interested. Miley smiled as if she knew I would say something, and Nick raised his eyebrow at me to ask me his silent 'hmm?'. "I don't understand how you could pull off all of this..."
"DING-DONG."
"Oh, hold on! Before you explain anything, let me get the door," Miley jumped up from her seat eagerly before she skipped over everyone that was spawled on the floor. "I have explaining to do too."
Before she could sprint towards the door, Nick called out, "Do we finally get to meet your boyfriend?" I looked up, interested - Miley was head-over-heels in love. I'm not even kidding. I've never seen her so incredibly happy, and she was always talking about her amazing boyfriend that no one knew the name of yet. She was always careful when she talked about him, making sure never to say his name and building the suspense until we finally get to meet him. She almost uttered his name to me when we were talking on the phone one night, but she quickly stopped herself. Jeez, who is he?
She turned around, smirking as if she was amused, "You'll see." Miley then procceeded to run over to the door as we listened to the sound of the door opening and closing. The sound of Miley's laughing echoed over to us before we could hear their footsteps coming towards us. We all looked up as I felt Nick slyly sneak a kiss on my forehead. I giggled at him and stuck my tongue as our friends gasped around us. I rose my eyes towards their attention and felt my jaw drop.
Chad?
"IT'S THE GAY MODEL!" Austin rose up from his hiding place behind the couch Nick and I now inhabited. My eyes widened, knowing where he would have gotten those words from as I put my hand over my brother's mouth. Everyone looked at me, but I just giggled nervously mouthing, "Where did he get that from?"
Miley cracked up, rolling her eyes playfully at me as she and Chad settled across from us on the couch. She exchanged glances to Paool, "Okay, you can explain, and I will jump in when I need to."
"I'll start," Paool nodded to Nick, straightening in his seat beside Selena who looked at him with curiousity, "So, I knew that when you broke up with Nick back in Canada, you were in such deep pain, and before we left, I managed to get Nick to give me his number." We all snickered at the way he worded that as I nudged Nick, but they both just rolled their eyes, "Not like that, guys. But anyways, you noticed how I was constantly texting someone before we left and when we got home, I was texting Nick.
He was still in love with you, and I could tell by the way you constantly played the piano that you loved him too. I kept in contact with him constantly, keeping him updating about you because I knew he wanted to be in your life somehow," Paool explained, his eyes often averting as if he were recalling the events in his head.
Miley cut in, frowning almost, "Nick called me after you left. He knew how much I supported you two, and together, Paul and I tried to get through to you guys. You don't know how completely stubborn you two are. 'No, I want her to be happy.' 'I'm not sad; I'm just studying.'" She groaned along with Paool who nodded his head in agreement, "But we both loved you guys too much to give up, so we hatched some things up. I came up with the idea of fake dating Nick."
"So then we could see how you would react to that," Paool proposed, "I mean, the both of you were denying everything so much, so we knew you both would react somewhat to the idea of Nick dating Miley."
Miley stifled her laugh into her hand, "Nick's eyes nearly popped out of his head when I asked him to go out with me." She shook her head, trying to resist to laugh as Nick blushed the slightest flush while I smiled up at him. "But I explained it to him after he calmed down. I told him, 'Stop being a pansy', I remember you saying that once, Manda...and 'if you want her back, get her back. You know her better than anyone else, and I know for a fact that you are still in love with her, so freakin' fake-date me.'"
"He agreed, obviously," Paool took over once again, stroking his chin as he tried to remember the details, "But you, Manda, were harder to crack. You might not know it, but you have a pokerface. Sometimes I confuse your happy face with your angry face--- but anyway, I tried to break the news of Nick and Miley dating to you, but those two--" Paool pointed at Juliet and Emma, making their eyes widen from guilt, "..wouldn't let me. They kept telling me that's why you were quiet or something like that. But I knew you were bound to find out somehow."
"We were going no where with the plan so far - Nick and I were forced to spend excessive amounts of time together when he wasn't moping around, and I decided to do something at the premiere," Miley recalled, closing her eyes for a moment, "Nick didn't know of this plan really of course. We wanted him to be as natural as possible, so the only way to do that was keep it a secret and just wing it. So when the paparazzi bombarded us, I didn't say anything, naturally forcing Nick to admit to our 'relationship'. And the cheek kiss was just something that made sure you knew for a fact that we were 'together.'"
"That did the trick," Paool cracked a smile as Selena followed his every word beside him, "You were frustrated the entire day, and when I purposefully picked out a Jonas Brothers CD at Target, your eyes gave you away. Though, I couldn't be entirely sure, so I played the CD in the car. The way you just froze, stopping your breathing as you didn't even notice the tears that started falling down your cheeks, I knew for sure. I called Nick and Miley as soon as I dropped you all off and told them about the dance."
"Jeez, I didn't know about half of this stuff," Nick muttered under his breath as I blinked, completely clueless it seemed. "I'll explain this part, guys. When Paul told me about your little breakdown and the dance, I knew this would confirm everything. I knew that you wouldn't say anything to Paul, Miley, or me, so I thought up the idea of me going to the dance in a disguise, I guess.
Now, let me tell you, it took me forever to write those notes that Paul put in your locker. Trying to hide my feelings and masking them in songs was something that I was used to now, and actually pouring my heart out into a tiny little card was time consuming because I knew that it had to make you want to go to this dance, to meet this guy... to meet me."
Miley grinned, barging in, "But he really did pour his heart out. I remember reading the cards and tearing up a bit. He remembered the flowers that you loved and gave specific instructions to Paul when he would open up your locker and gently set the flowers next to your books... It was adorable. Nicky was definitely in love."
I felt Nick cringe silently at the name which made me pat his chest as Miley cut in, "Before we go on though, I have to admit something," Miley shrugged rather sheepishly, "I did do some more digging to know more about Manda's feelings. I mean, I couldn't just call you up and ask, 'Hey, Manda, what's up? Do you still love Nick?' I'm sorry, Paul, but I like to really see the evidence." Paool just nodded in agreement as Miley continued to explain, "Chad and I had just met at a photoshoot, and he had liked me. Honestly, I liked him too, but I couldn't do anything because I was still dating Nicky over there. But Chad and I hung out alot, and I got to know his little brother, Zac--" I blinked, recognizing the name and the face, "Yes, Manda, /that/ Zac. He went to your school, so I asked him to do me a couple of favors. The day after the premiere, I had him talk to you, see if he could dig any feelings out of you.
As you know, he did a pretty good job. He managed to be partnered with you for some project, correct? I remember he went over to your house and somehow found your journal in your room... I feel bad for that because I did tell him to do anything he could to find out about your feelings... But I knew for a fact that you really truly still loved Nicky. Those poems and songs that were in that journal... I couldn't help but cry as I turned every page..."
Paool narrowed his eyes, "You could have told me. I would have stolen another journal or something. Zac irked me, and I didn't really let him get near Manda after that."
Miley shrugged, "Eh, it's all done now."
"Wow," Nick murmured into my hair before he continued with his own story, "I owe it all to Paul for setting everything up - finding the gardening club's little hideout on the roof; making sure that he bought the ticket for me, so I could say his name when they asked me at the door; the note delivering... everything." Selena seemed to gaze up at Paool admirably, making me grin widely - at him and Nick's warm eyes that looked down at me, "Surprisingly, you fell in love with this guy."
"Meaning Nick," Paool jumped in, "All over again."
"But you didn't know it," Miley said, murmuring a bit confused, "Yet you've known each other for so long. I was sure that his voice was a give-a-way and everything else about him... Maybe you should explain that part, Manda."
Honestly, I don't know. "I'm not sure..." I said finally after shrugging and trying to find the words, "I guess I was trying so hard to forget him ever since I left. I mean, I remember even forgetting Nick's name when I saw him the very next day." I guiltily rose my eyes up to him, frowning, but he just kissed my forehead as if he understood.
"You were here with us for awhile then," Nick smiled as he remembered the days, "Slowly, you opened up to me. I could tell by your eyes and how you acted. I didn't notice it then, but I was opening up too. But we both were still hesitant on telling each other... We were at the friend stage, and I felt like something was going to happen soon. But I didn't exactly know it was you leaving for your tour, it came so fast, and then you were gone."
"And this is my turn to explain," Chad jumped in, this was the first time we heard him talk since he walked in, "Miley and I were getting really close at this point. I guess you could say that we were in the same stage as you two were. The 'friends that have feelings for eachother' stage. I wanted something more, but Miley still wasn't budging.
So then she offered me something," he smirked for a moment at his girlfriend, "She said that if I was able to convince you to date me and have you become my girlfriend infront of Nick, then she would date me. Cake, right? No, not really. Not when Manda was always dazing off about Nick, and Nick was constantly sending me death glares. Yeah, you think I didn't see you." He joked to Nick as I let out a small laugh. "But this was all that Miley wanted, and as soon as Manda became my girlfriend, I ended it, knowing that I had my own love to go to as Manda went to her's in the piano room." Chad hugged Miley as Nick tightened the grip on my waist when I kissed his cheek, "By the looks of everything, Paul and Miley really do care for you two guys along with the rest of these people around us. Honestly, I'm truly happy that you two are back together." The friends around us nodded and murmured in agreement, and that's when I finally noticed a face among the crowd that I hadn't seen earlier.
"Wait, wait, wait," Nick straightened up beneath me, "Thank you, Chad, for those words, but I have to ask you, what were you doing with Manda's promise ring back in Canada?"
"I'll explain that," the person I was now gawking at spoke up, her eyes averting to the ground as if she felt guilt in her body, "I paid Chad to, like, keep the ring."
"But, why, Arden?" I asked, "You have Drake, a boy who loves you very much. Why did you have to have Nick?" I was somewhat confused why Arden was here - Drake sitting beside her, listening intently to the story. Was she really ready to become friends with all of us after all the trouble that she caused?
She looked guilty enough, her eyes never leaving the ground as she explained, "Honestly, I just want anything I can't, like, have. I was, like, ... jealous. Nick was one of the first guys I had ever, like, liked, and I couldn't, like, stand to see him in love with someone while I was by myself... And, like, I was jealous of you, Manda. You have, like, everything. Talent, love, friends... But I've, like, grown now. I love Drake, and I've moved on. I'm happy for you guys for, like, rekindling your love after all of my, like, mess."
Hearing those words come out of her mouth, I didn't know what came over me, but I got up from my seat and went over to give her a hug. "It means so much to me that you said all of that, Arden. Thank you. Thank you so much..."
"Your lives are seriously like dramas or something," Joe poked his head out from under the coffee table, "Good thing I'm here or else there would be no comic relief..." We all gave him a strange look, but he just pointed his Nerf gun to the air and shot out a bullet, "THE WAR IS ON! SCATTER, PEOPLE. HIDE. IT ONLY MAKES IT MORE FUN... Austin, left wing. I will take the right wing..."
. . . . . . .
I want to spend forever with him.
"Manda, you want to go out in the backyard?" Nick asked five minutes ago as I was assuring Selena that I would call her with all the details. She's so into gossip, her and Demi... He smiled that smile that I loved, and I couldn't say no. "You look beautiful tonight, but I'll meet you there after we both changed into something more comfortable."
I was now sliding on my studded Converses, engulfed in my feelings and thoughts when I caught a glimpse of the engagement ring that was resting on my right hand's ring finger. The thoughts were coming at me from all directions, and I didn't know what to do but take off the ring and slide it in my pocket. Seeing it was just too overwhelming at the moment, but I was confident in what I was going to say. I loved him, and that's really all that mattered. Almost skipping to the door, Nick was already there, waiting for me. "Have I told you how I love the way you look in my clothes?" he murmured to me when I hugged him.
"Have I ever told you how I love your smile?" I asked him, winking as he chuckled and kissed my hair. With that, we walked out the back door, arms entangled within another as we took in the beautiful evening sky over our heads. My heart flipped in my chest, doing things that have seemed so natural before, but now it was intensified. "Nick, I want to talk to you about what you asked me today."
He and I situated ourselves on the wooden swing that should be on a porch, our breathing seemed to syncronize as I fell into his chest. This was truly where I was supposed to be. Here in his arms, looking up into the sky as we are sure of everything. This felt so right... "Before we talk about that, Manda," Nick's hand caressed my own, "Can I tell you what I realized today?" He waited for my nod before proceeding, "I was confident about us before, but after hearing our friends talk about our relationship in their own eyes... I feel like the future really is bright for us. We've overcome so much in our relationship - every obstacle that has been thrown at us, we've been over to overcome it... I didn't believe it was possible for me to love you even more than I do now."
"I couldn't agree more," my heart stuttered inside of me as I spoke, closing my eyes as I smiled, "I didn't realize how great and wonderful our friends really are. Their support in us is another factor in our love, I think... And honestly, Nick, I'm in love with you, and I have faith that our future together would be, to say the least, great."
"Is that a yes...?" I couldn't explain how much his eyes brightened as he spoke.
"Nicholas," I sat up from his chest, looking deeply into his eyes, "I'm sixteen. You're eighteen. We're so young. I haven't even graduated high school. We're in such busy lives right now. How can we just settle down and get married?" I shook my head, letting the thoughts flow freely, "Why can't we just wait a few more years? I mean, I love you. I really do...But we're just so... so young."
His eyes never seemed to falter as I doubted his judgement, but I felt his hand squeeze mine as I averted my eyes from his, "I had a feeling you would think that way, and I couldn't agree more." I was about to open my mouth and question him, but he continued, "Honestly, Manda, I've been thinking of marrying you since I met you. The idea never ceased to leave me for some reason. I couldn't stop it, so I resorted to asking my mom about marrying early.
I asked about it generally, but for some reason, she saw through it. She said that if the two people are mature for their age and are madly in love, then she would be overjoyed," Nick smiled at his memory, shaking his head as if he didn't believe his mother's words until now. "After that, the idea of marrying you was not something that seemed too far away, and I've always thought about the future with you." He hugged my waist, letting me fall into his chest as I felt the tears building up inside me, "When we were at your home in Texas over Thanksgiving, I asked your father for his permission to ask you to marry me."
"That explains alot," I murmured under my breath, recalling Thanksgiving where Nick constantly pleased my father, being too careful when he was with me and speaking with my father when he could have the chance.
Nick chuckled at me, "Yes, it does. Surprisingly though, he agreed to it more willingly than I thought he would. When I asked him, he just blinked and nodded, saying, 'I was wondering when you would ask me that.'"
"Then why did you insist on making my father happy all the time?" I asked my internal question outloud.
"Just incase he was trying to test me," Nick said, laughing at me as I made a face at him, "I wanted to be sure I had his permission." He pressed his lips to my hair, making my cheeks blush the slightest, "Your mother, on the otherhand, handed me her permission if I promised her something."
I raised my eyebrows at him, seeing his eyes bright as he described the memories of his to me, "'Always be honest with her - even when it'll hurt her, she would rather have that than to live in a lie. And, Nick, just promise me that you'll take care of her - even if you two are fighting or in other ends of the earth...'" His voice trailed off when he noticed the silent tears that I was now trying to hide. Using his thumbs, Nick brushed the tears away, gently caressing my face with his hands before bringing his own face centimeters away from my own to press his lips softly onto mine.
All my worries seemed to disappear with a single kiss, and the truth became clear.
I wanted to marry him.
When we pulled away, I leaned up to kiss his cheek, making the flush on his cheeks become more prominent where our skin made contact. "Nicholas Jerry Jonas, I would love to marry you. I have no doubt in my mind of that fact, and I love you... but I'm not ready for this yet." I pulled the ring out of my jeans pocket, "I... I just can't do this now."